


The Real Version of Me

by Twitchprimes



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fantasy, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Witchers Need Hugs (The Witcher)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 11:15:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twitchprimes/pseuds/Twitchprimes
Summary: “JASKIER. FIGHT IT.” his voice cracked as he was begging for his friend to keep himself alive. He knew Jaskier wasn’t a strong fighter but he just had the tiniest bit of hope that he could save himself. That was until the creature was quicker than Jaskier’s actions, it crushed the man of his dreams into the waters below.He screamed in agony for the monster to stop even though he knew that wouldn’t do anything. It was hurting his friend. It was hurting the only person he cared for. After a few seconds that felt like hours of just pure screaming and sobbing, the monster stopped holding Jaskier down, and wandered off into the forest.Geralt has nightmares, Jaskier is a good boyfriend.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Kudos: 24





	The Real Version of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey you nerds. This is my second fanfic I'm posting on here. I'll definitely continue it, cause it was extremely fun to write. Hope you'll have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.
> 
> \- Mason.

It was a calm evening. The bard and the Witcher were preparing to go to bed. The Inn they stayed at only had a one bed bedroom available, and Geralt was being difficult about it. Of course, not because he didn’t want to be close to Jaskier. But because he knew what would go on during the night. Geralt was usually able to hide his emotions well.

That was because Jaskier never dared to get close to him. It did make the Witcher somewhat upset that the bard was slightly scared of him. But it wasn’t surprising to him since he did often tell Jaskier to fuck off every so often. Geralt didn’t really mean what he was saying, and Jaskier knew that. But Jaskier also knew that Geralt’s emotions were not ones to be messed with.

It was hard to read the Witcher. Even though Jaskier had gotten pretty well at it. It seemed that there was one section of Geralt that the Witcher would never let him see. And that was the vulnerable side. They had talked about emotions such as love. But never anything about his past, or anything about his fears/insecurities. Jaskier respected that.

But he also sometimes wished Geralt would just tell him what he was afraid of so Jaskier could know what subjects to stay away from. Instead he had to find out through the harsh way. The way that left him hurt or alone. It was just something he had unfortunately gotten used to at this point. Which shouldn’t be the case but Jaskier had a forgiving heart.

It was unhealthy to be so forgiving. But he was just so sympathetic that he couldn’t help himself. He knew that Geralt was alone for most of his life, and that that was the reason for most of his issues. Jaskier just wanted to teach him about what it was like to have a friend. To have someone who could care for him. Geralt needed to know that he didn’t have to do everything or deal with everything by himself.

Geralt knew that tonight was going to be tough. He never wanted to show his emotions to Jaskier, let alone the fact that he had nightmares. He thought It was quite pathetic that a witcher had nightmares. They were supposed to be big, strong, and scary. Not openly sobbing out their feelings. Crying in front of Jaskier was something he never had an intention of doing.

Not even tonight. So here he was again, avoiding his real problems and neglecting the fact that he could sleep in the same bed as the bard. He was fixing his own spot to sleep on for the night, praying that Jaskier wouldn’t comment on it and try to get him to sleep in the bed. Geralt didn’t know how he could explain that he had terrible nightmares.

He couldn’t just go up to Jaskier and say he had trouble sleeping. Then Jaskier would try to do everything to help. And Geralt hated to need someone to take care of him. So instead he was going to try his best to suffer through this alone. Because that’s what he was used to. It was what he was best at. And besides, he had gone just about 100 years suffering alone, why change that now?

His train of thought was suddenly broken as he heard that upbeat annoying voice he was so used to. “Hey Geralt- what are you doing?” Jaskier stopped his talking to put all of his attention onto the Witcher. Geralt just grunted in annoyance, not in the mood to discuss this. But he knew he didn’t have a way around at least talking to him. He forced a grin- one that was obviously fake and was meant to scare away Jaskier.

“Not being near you” he replied harshly. It was normal for him to do this. Snapping at Jaskier when in order to avoid a heart to heart conversation. It’s not like it was a big deal anyways. It was just sleeping on the floor. But Jaskier tended to make a big deal out of everything these days. Jaskier gasped and dramatically put a hand over his heart.

“Now- why would you want to be away from me? I’m pretty charming if I do say so myself, don’t you agree?” He joked back but quickly turned his smile into a straight line. Looking at Geralt with those big concerned eye’s like he always did. His tone and attitude changed in a matter of seconds, as he crouched down to be eye level with the Witcher. 

“Geralt.” he started, his voice suddenly soft. “I won’t try to force you to sleep in the same bed as me. But I wouldn’t mind if you did. In fact, I highly suggest that you join me. Since the floor doesn’t seem so comfortable. And I know that you deserve the warmth and comfort of a good bed. So what do you say?” He held out his hand for Geralt to take.

A few moments passed without an acceptance of his offer, and he sighed heavily. Geralt was so stubborn sometimes and there was no way he was going to get the selfless man to the bed, so he just nodded. He didn’t want to make Geralt feel bad for not wanting to join him. But he could tell that something was off about him. 

Geralt usually had that pissed off look on his face 24/7 but instead it was a look of.. Was it sadness? He wasn’t sure. It looked more like he was deep in thought. And Jaskier didn’t like the sound of that. Geralt already had the wrong view about himself in his head. Jaskier was worried that maybe some asshole said something to him to make him feel bad.

If that was the case he was going to have to annoy Geralt with questions about how he was treated another time. But now he was getting exhausted and could barely keep his eyes open. It was Geralt’s lucky day for not having to speak as much. But tomorrow he wouldn’t be so lucky. Jaskier wasn’t going to let him pout all the time during their travels. 

“Well then. If you change your mind I won’t be opposed. Have a good night Geralt.” He smiled softly and gave Geralt's shoulder two pats before heading off to bed. As the lights were turned off Geralt’s ‘unbreakable bitch face’ was switched off as well and into a frown. He once again found himself alone, just like he always was. 

Part of him already missed the rambling of the bard to distract him from his thoughts. But then again another part of him was happy he didn’t have to open up about his feelings. He had mixed feelings about wanting Jaskier around. Exhausted and not having the energy to even contemplate with his own thoughts. He wasn’t looking forward to waking up in a sweat once again. But by now he was used to it and could deal with it alone if he had to.

-

He was fighting an ugly monster, trying his best to avoid the attacks and to protect himself. He thought he was alone on the mission. He thought he wouldn’t have to protect anyone else. That was until he saw the familiar handsome face he knew so well, which caught him off guard while trying to fight the monster.

The monster took this opportunity of the distraction and was able to properly stab Geralt’s side. Causing him to bend over in pain. He would’ve tried to get a potion to heal himself so that he could move on without an issue. But that was before he saw the creature moving towards none other than Jaskier himself.

Geralt’s heartbeat came to a stop as he felt his whole world crashing down in front of him. He couldn’t fight. Not like this. But he had to sacrifice himself in order to save Jaskier. There was no way he was going to let Jaskier die. Watching his friend die would be the worst pain he’s ever experienced. 

Jaskier was the first person who truly ever showed signs of caring for him. Geralt could feel the tears already threatening to spill as he tried to make his way over to Jaskier. “JASKIER!” he yelled with all his might. Trying to warn the other that he was in danger.

“JASKIER. FIGHT IT.” his voice cracked as he was begging for his friend to keep himself alive. He knew Jaskier wasn’t a strong fighter but he just had the tiniest bit of hope that he could save himself. That was until the creature was quicker than Jaskier’s actions, it crushed the man of his dreams into the waters below.

He screamed in agony for the monster to stop even though he knew that wouldn’t do anything. It was hurting his friend. It was hurting the only person he cared for. After a few seconds that felt like hours of just pure screaming and sobbing, the monster stopped holding Jaskier down, and wandered off into the forest.

Geralt’s heart fell into a million pieces as he saw no movement of the bard as far as coming back up from the water. “No, no, no, no JASKIER” he screamed once more as he limped over to his lifeless friend. He quickly scooped the Bard up in his arms, taking him to shore and attempted to do CPR on him countless times.

He tried and tried and tried until he just knew there was no point in continuing. He had lost Jaskier. His sobs grew louder and louder and he just pounded his fist into the ground. “Why, why did you leave me. I loved you- I loved you.” he choked out, as if Jaskier could hear him. It was all too much. His head was spinning and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. It was too painful, being alive without Jaskier. How was he supposed to go on without his soulmate?

-

Geralt flung himself upright as his eyes snapped open. His chest was rapidly moving up and down, trying to recover from previously screaming his lungs out. He didn’t have time to process what the hell just went on in his head. Was Jaskier ok? Was Jaskier alive? What if he wasn’t alive? Oh god, it was his fault wasn’t it. 

Just like everything else in his life. Losing everyone he’s ever known, pushing everyone away. He was going to do that to Jaskier if he didn’t teach him basic fighting skills. Anything could hurt Jaskier and he couldn’t have that happen, ever. If anything did hurt Jaskier he’d blame himself to the point of where he wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt and would have to let a monster do the same to him. He would only deserve the same fate as his friend who didn’t deserve any of it.

“Geralt? You’re awake?” A soft voice from a few feet away spoke. It sounded scared, almost helpless. Geralt froze in place, the tone in the bard’s voice meant he had seen or heard something. That can’t be the case, fuck, he can’t find out. If he heard any of that, then he would be confessing his love for the other. That would mean losing him. Geralt stayed silent and was careful to not make any moves.

“Was that you talking in your sleep?” The voice asked again, shuffles were heard from where the bard stood as footsteps made their way towards the Witcher. Geralt knew Jaskier was holding something back. He didn’t know how to react to the night terror episode Geralt had just had. That was the worst it’s ever been, and he didn’t know what to think of it himself. Geralt held his breath as well as the tears that had barely stopped spilling from the moment he woke.

“Hey- what’s wrong? I’m right here Geralt. I’m alright, you can relax with me ok?” Jaskier’s voice had such caring and peaceful intentions that Geralt could fall asleep to. Geralt took a few moments to react because he was too nervous to show Jaskier his true emotions. Jaskier noticed how shaken the Witcher was, and cautiously continued to place a hand on his back, rubbing gently. Jaskier was willing to wait the rest of his life for Geralt to open up to him.

“Y-you’re alive?” Geralt suddenly asked, confused and unsure of what was really going on. The grunt in his voice barely noticeable as the nerves took over. That took Jaskier off guard. Why was Geralt suddenly asking this? It’s not like he had ever cared for the bard in the first place. Ignoring his deprecating thoughts, his eyebrows scrunched up as he tilted his head. It was unusual for Geralt to be this way, he was just having a hard time knowing what to say to that.

“Silly Witcher, of course I’m alive. Look at me. I’m alive and well, I’m breathing aren’t I?” He stated, reassuring the white wolf. Geralt finally took the courage to slowly make eye contact with the other. Jaskier was sure that he could feel his heart crush into his stomach at how destroyed Geralt looked. Geralt looked like how Jaskier had looked and felt when he had been told to never return to his lover on that unfortunate day on the mountain. What could possibly be eating Geralt up inside for him to look like that?

“But- you died?” That sentence alone seemed to make thing’s click for Jaskier. Geralt had dreamt about his death? Oh, that made a lot of sense. Although it still confused him greatly. He was almost convinced that Geralt hated him, and now he’s crying over him? This ended up being a very eventful day for the both of them he guessed. 

“No Geralt, I didn’t die. That was the version of me in your dreams. The real version of me is right here, and I’m perfectly fine. It was all in your head. You just had a terrible dream, but I will never leave you, I can promise that.” He spoke gently. Geralt just watched him closely with those sad uncertain eyes. As if he looked away then Jaskier would disappear into the waters below once more.

“How can you promise that?” The monster fighter whispered. Jaskier bit his lip as he knew this was going to be a tough conversation, and it was going to have many ups and downs. “How can you promise that?” Geralt repeated, slightly louder this time. Jaskier wanted to answer but knew Geralt had something to say, so he let him say what he wanted to let out. 

“Idiot, how can you promise something that you can’t escape? Jaskier, I’m going to live for a very long time, and I’d rather die than live longer than to see your death. You can’t promise anything, because I’m going to live through it anyways. I wish you would just leave me so I wouldn’t have to experience the pain of you leaving this filthy earth!” Geralt finished, heavily breathing and fists clenched. Jaskier could do nothing but stare after Geralt's confession. 

Jaskier could feel his world slow down, because in his mind that meant that he meant everything to the Witcher. Geralt had just stated that he would rather die than to see him get hurt, and that was.. Unreal. This whole thing was unreal. Geralt really didn’t mean that did he? Jaskier’s life didn’t mean more than the man sitting in front of him. He could feel his eye’s start to water as he analyzed his words more. 

Jaskier was able to hide his insecurities as well, but at this very moment they broke. Jaskier always put everyone else above himself, it seemed as if Geralt did the exact same thing. It was as if he saw a reflection of himself standing right in front of him, no wall was put up between them anymore. Jaskier felt himself start to relate to Geralt way more than he thought he ever would. Jaskier let out a small laugh and a shake of his head, not believing any of it.

“You’re a fool, you know that right, Geralt? A fool. You can’t possibly think that I mean more than you do, do you?” Jaskier’s voice shook with uncertainty, praying that Geralt would just disagree and that they would be alright. But the way that Geralt stared at the floor avoiding eye contact made him think otherwise. Tears made their way down Jaskier’s face as he scooped the witcher up into a hug.  
Geralt tensed, but Jaskier didn’t care. He was so utterly stupid, so stupid to think that Jaskier thought less of him. How Geralt could think that Jaskier would leave at any second? that was stupidity. Of course Jaskier would never leave the love of his life, Geralt needed to know that. He held him tight, as if his life depended on it.

“You stupid Witcher, I would rather die than leave you, don’t you see?” Geralt seemed to halt at that. What was Jaskier saying? There’s no way that the bard could possibly mean- “I love you Geralt. I always have, you’re just too blind to see. I suppose you didn’t think my song ‘Her Sweet Kiss’ was about you and Yennefer correct? Well it is. You broke my heart for loving her, but I love you and didn’t want to leave you, so I suffered through heartbreak. I don’t blame you if you want to kick me out now. I’m just a silly bard right? A silly bard who’s heart is too full-”

At that statement Geralt did not hesitate to pull the other into a heartfelt kiss. Jaskier let out a yelp of surprise at the contact, and forgot how to breathe. The man he’s been in love with for over a decade had just returned his feelings. After a few minutes of simply panicking, he remembered that he should probably put in some effort as well. He slowly but surely kissed the Witcher back, butterflies exploded in his stomach as he did so.

Geralt got braver as they continued, and got rougher as well. Jaskier felt himself go limp at how wonderful it was. He could feel his body break, and not be able to do anything he normally would be able to do. How could he? This was everything he’s ever wanted. After what felt like hours of pleasure, Geralt pulled back and Jaskier whined at the loss of contact.

Geralt chuckled, the first time he’s ever heard the white wolf laugh. It was like gold. He looked Jaskier in the eye to confess something he’s held back for decades. It was something he’s been meaning to say to him ever since he met him on his travels. Something he meant with everything in his being. “Jaskier, I never loved Yennefer. I wanted to make you jealous, looks like it worked.”


End file.
